31 responses to “What’s The Best Way To Tell An Aging Parent That It’s Time To Stop Driving?”

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  danuitti October 10th, 2009 at 01:14

  Your state might have a “driving test” that you can ask them to take. This certainly made us feel better when “mom” passed this test.
  You might have to get your parent’s eye doctor to disquality them officially.

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  sal the dog October 10th, 2009 at 07:44

  Offer to drive that parent to the places he/she needs to go.

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  midnight… October 10th, 2009 at 09:34

  it is better not to tell him to stop the driving the more we will tell them the more they will drive , it is better to just sell off the car .the best solution.

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  Tina October 10th, 2009 at 13:31

  Give them some sort of statistic, like people over age 65 have almost as high of a chance of a car accident as people ages 18-24 do. I read that somewheres, but I would use that, and then let them know that I’m concerned about their safety. Just make sure you make lots of good points that they argue against.

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  Makedamn… October 10th, 2009 at 17:33

  simple, tell them that its time to stop driving that they are not as alert as they were 40 yrs ago and that they could kill someone, they need to stop the driving age somewhere there needs to be a law, they have mandatory retiring ages how about driving ages?

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  crazi_ca… October 10th, 2009 at 20:44

  Lauren M, You are an idiot. Your answer is insensitive and just plain stupid.

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  I want my ¡OLD! mtv October 11th, 2009 at 01:36

  STOP THINKING YOU CAN DRIVE, BECAUSE YOU CANT.you cant drive anymore

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  nfk October 11th, 2009 at 05:32

  It’s not supposed to be easy. However, I think the best approach would be to discuss it early on or if this is not an option, then put in terms that will hit home with the parent. Use the example of the parent’s own grandchildren. I have not met a grandparent that could ignore the real life fear of a grandchild getting hurt by their mistake or someone else that should not be driving. I believe my parents might connect with this reasoning. I think the most important part is respect. I see many people treat their elderly parents as children. I can’t immagine having that kind of relationship with them. After all, they raised me.

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  Juicy October 11th, 2009 at 11:27

  be honest. have that heart to heart talk and let them know you care greatly for them.let them know you are thinking of their safety first and others as well. and let them know you will be their to drive them around. Time to become the trusty Co-Pilot as I told my mother, and I told her I wanted her to be the co pilot because it was actually more important on knowing where to go.

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  jack d October 11th, 2009 at 13:57

  After a few near accidents, my sister and I talked to our father about not driving. At 79 he did not think that there was a problem with his driving. After all, “If I die in an accident, I die!” We finally persuaded him to give up driving for the safety of the other drivers on the road.

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  Gina B October 11th, 2009 at 18:28

  I think that accidents that happened lately with aged drivers speaks for itself. We have to be strong and let our parents realize that a lot of lives depend on drivers like them and if they are smart they will understand. If they don’t understand…use your imagination…take the keys away for sake of others.

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  CHARTER COMM PLANT TECH October 11th, 2009 at 19:06

  When you start doubting there ability to drive, comely sit down and have a talk with them and tell them why you are concerned. Get them to agree in a polite and careing way, because of my (our) concern we would like to give you a small verbal test and driving skill test. If you pass we will leave you alone for the time being if you fail then we need to sit down and talk more.

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  Thomas W October 11th, 2009 at 21:22

  I think it is best to do it in a passive aggressive sort of way. Sell their car to The teenager down the block. Then ask them if they have any errands to run – make an excuse to drive them. Tell the teenager to pick up the car then. If mom or dad are sufficiently aged they can’t catch for the spanking you will deserve.

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  slipgurl October 12th, 2009 at 01:52

  88 year old mother! ” Mother if you saw a older person walking to there car by way of a walker what would you think ,: ” I hope she’s not driving a car”. Well mother you are 88 yrs old and using a walker , do you think you should drive? Her answer was sheepishly ” I guess not ” That’s how we got her to give up driving

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  Dan October 12th, 2009 at 05:10

  Dear Click & Clack – As a native New Englander I wanted to thank you for a most enjoyable program that allows me to feel “at home” everytime I listen.
  I’d like to echo the sentiments of some of your other responders whose parent has become incapable of driving. My Mother, who also suffers from Alzheimer’s, was very reluctant to give up the key’s and I imagine, the freedom one enjoys while driving. We opted to have her Doctor advise her against driving for health reasons and she no longer drives. This seemed the most direct and, at the same time, compassionate way to address the problem. Parents are more likely to heed the advice of their physician than of their children. Thankfully she has given up driving and still manages to love us!

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  Ace M October 12th, 2009 at 09:09

  I’m not sure how to tell an aging parent that it just isn’t safe to have them on the road. except to just tell them straight out that they are doing things that are not safe. things that could endanger theirs or others lives. my children are just reaching the driving age and i’ve told them when i reach the age that i’m doing stupid stuff like driving under the speed limit, taking 5 min to turn into the driveway, not siginaling, not stoping for a stop sign, or falling asleep at a stop sign! they are to take my keys with or with out a fight, but they better be prepared to take me whereever i want to go!

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  kathysca October 12th, 2009 at 11:49

  YOU don’t. What makes you the judge and jury?? That is the job of the DPS. If they are not able to pass a driving test the DPS will not renew a driver’s license. A car is a lifeline for all of us, most especially people who become more and more isolated as their bodies no longer allow them to partcipate in many events they once did. If you feel your parent wants to drive in a circumstance where they would endanger themselves or others, why don’t you offer to drive. Be compassionate! Well intended judgemental children can do more damage than good. If you are going to take the car away, make sure you are willing to give something of yourself to replace it.

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  kitty-ni October 12th, 2009 at 18:49

  Dear Click and Clack:
  Your question is fine but it is not broad enough. There are two important issues affecting the safety in roads all over the country. The first is the health issue that your question raises in a limited way. You are only dealing with the physical decay that comes from old age. You are not taking into account other physical conditions that should disqualify some people from driving. For example people who are prone to epileptic seizures, those with severe heart conditions, etc. Regardless of your age, driver’s licenses should have a similar medical examination requirement as a third class pilot’s license (the least stringent requirement). Specifically, a driver’s license should be conditional on the successful passing of a very simple medical examination (sight, hearing, general health, etc.) once every two years. Sadly, there are many people who should not be behind the wheel based not only on their age but also on their poor health condition.
  The second safety issue is the type of training that most drivers have. Although most states have been tightening their driver licensing standards, you’ll still be able to get a drivers license after you complete a certain number of classroom hours covering simple driving concepts (etiquette, road signs, etc.) and after you complete a simple driving test. After this, voilá, you have a license that authorizes you to get behing the wheel of a two ton machine capable of exceeding 100 mph.
  At this point, a reality check would be insightful. Take a break from whatever you are doing and go take a drive. Depending on where you live you will notice the horrifying frequency of speeders, drunk drivers, reckless drivers, and other “gems” out there. Do you really think that older drivers are such a big deal? I agree there are a small minority of older drivers that shouldn’t be behind the wheel, however, most older drivers tend to be conservative and courteous behind the wheel. Most of the complaints I’ve heard about older drivers go along the lines of “they drive way to slow.”
  I am really not that worried about an older person behind the wheel. What I truly worry about are the multitude of bad drivers out there of all ages and the lack of licensing standards that allow them to be there in the first place. As to the older people that I know, they get periodic medical exams that let them know whether they can drive or not. At that point it is up to them to decide, at least until we get some real driver licensing standards.

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  mr1t1t1 October 12th, 2009 at 19:54

  Being in the twilight of my life also, (68) I believe that an aging parent should be told to stop driving by law enforcement if he/she has 2 moving violations and/or 2 accidents (minor or major) within a 6 month period that is his/her fault. That should be a pretty good clue that something is amiss.

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  nelson m October 13th, 2009 at 01:03

  It depends how much is in the will for you. If it’s a lot, you don’t say anything and encourage them to drive. If it isn’t a lot, you still don’t say anything because you will be verbally assaulted by your parents for “parenting” them.
  In other words, they raised you and the relationship ain’t changin’ so give up while you still have your sanity.

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  John B October 13th, 2009 at 06:57

  I had to do this w/my mother and she was very resentful, even though she had a very bad accident where several people were hurt. I just turned 65 and know the day will be coming for me. However, I plan to move where I will be able walk to stores, restaurants and churches, be within a short distance taxi drive to my doctors and near the train station. Frankly, I will be gald to be out of the rat race of today’s very competitive driving environment. However, I feel strongly that something should be done to make public transportation more accessible for everyone, including elderly, disabled, and even teenagers. There is not enough money spent to get a good public system going and it needs to be done, and fast. I don’t think I should have to move into an inner city neighborhood that may be more dangerous for me , just to have public transportation available. Politicians need to push this subject high on the priority list.

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  Patrick in California October 13th, 2009 at 10:04

  Just take the keys.

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  rasp6err October 13th, 2009 at 15:21

  I have experienced this with my mother. i took her to a DMV approved medical testing facility. They tested all of her reactions and made a determination that she was no longer safe to drive. It was very heart breaking for her but I stepped in and began to driver her where she needed to go. It was a hardship for both of us but it did force us to spend lots of quality time together.

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  adviata October 13th, 2009 at 22:05

  Suggest that they take a driving test, written and practical, either they will pass or fail. It will probably open their eyes, and perhaps they will make their own decision.

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  caribbea October 14th, 2009 at 01:07

  Most states have a “testing age” typically anyone over the age of 55 must be tested with each renewal. For us thats 8 years and thats along time! so in the mean time, here is a self assesment test (i found online from CA DMV) you might want to print off and leave laying around somewhere. With my parents i had found the self test and made an agreement that if they passed at green box id leave it alone, if they were at yellow then we would limit there driving to just around home; grocery, the mall, local resturants, church, (all within about 5 miles from their house). If it was red then they had to give up the keys.
  check your states DMV website, there is almost always really good eldery info on there! GOOD LUCK! and thanks for caring enough to look out for everyone around them too!

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  Bruno October 14th, 2009 at 02:59

  Install an alcohol breath test device in the car. Most older people can’t blow hard enough to register the machine. When the can’t drive they won’t drive.

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  rightonr October 14th, 2009 at 04:06

  As men are more tied to their cars than women, I think it is harder to tell an aging male relative that they have become a danger to themselves and others. But that is what one has to tell them. My stepfather almost wiped us out on a very busy street! If a person tells them that they are willing and able to drive for the aging person, and that all of their transportation and errand needs will be met, it is an easier transition. My over-80 stepfather actually enjoyed being a passenger and looking at all of the scenery one misses while driving! It wasn’t easy to get to that point. Once I hid the keys so he couldn’t drive, but my Brother made me give them back! Only when my Stepfather knew that I was dependable and had only his well-being in mind did he relinquish his keys to me. He enjoyed our outings. Women enjoy feeling cared for and are less of a problem in general. Stressing safety in driving is key when it is time to face this dilemma.

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  PEGGY O October 14th, 2009 at 10:45

  If discussing the situation with them does not work, take them to a physican and have the dr explain their limitations and what consequences may arise. Offer alternative ways to get around that allow them some independance. ex: golf cart.

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  en1g October 14th, 2009 at 14:56

  It’s time to take away their keys when they centerpunch the headstone of the grave containing their significant other.

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  arthur j October 14th, 2009 at 19:17

  Old people should mostly be living in little retirement communities, anyway. In these communuties, they can go around in golf carts to get anywhere they need. Other than that, I think anyone over 65 should have to undergo an anual driver’s test. Over 80, no license. Having the state tell older people when they can’t drive will prevent their children or friends from having to tell them. Blame will be shifted to the gov’t, same as usual, and life goes on as always.

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  Lena C October 14th, 2009 at 22:21

  Just lay the facts on the line, and don’t talk down to your parent as if he or she was a child.
  Then, offer to take him or her on a trip to Venice, Italy.
  Your parent will then be able to see that cars really aren’t all that necessary!